Ep 85: How To Make Your Wife Happy
During my years of relationship coaching, I can’t tell you how many men have said something like this to me: “If only I had a bullet point list of what do do to make her happy”.
In this 4-minute videos, I’ll give you just that, a bullet list with 6 points for what to do to make your wife or partner happy. Of course, you have to actually DO it to ever find out if it works, and not just once, but as an ongoing practice of relating.
With no further ado, we’re jumping right in.
#1 Engage in the relationship.
We men have a tendency to think that once we’ve gotten into a relationship, or once we’ve gotten married, we’re done. In the back our minds, we say, “Mission accomplished” to ourselves and give our attention to the next accomplishment. Nothing could be further from the truth, and the attitude of “I’m done” is responsible for countless love stories turning from sizzling hot to lukewarm to ice cold.
When there’s a kerfuffle, a conflicts, or some sort of tension and upset, don’t back away or shut down. Instead, engage. Step in, even though your natural instinct might very well be to get the heck out of there. Engage and participate actively, both in the fun and sexy parts of the relationship, as well as the tedious or tense ones.
#2 Connect. Talk. Share.
One simple way to accomplish “connection” is to talk. Share about yourself, your day, how you feel, what you dream of, and what you’re afraid of. When she asks you how your day was or how you’re doing, answer in more than one word. To this day, I still sometimes have to remind myself of this, because it is so ingrained in me to just say, “Fine. Great. I’m good”, or another one-or-two syllable response.
It’s not that I’m trying to withhold information, it’s just that to my practical brain, “Fine” is a satisfying answer to “How are you doing?”
But it does not produce a sense of connection for my wife. Connection is produced by the back-and-forth passing of something, in this case words. it’s like going out to throw a baseball with a friend. Imagine you throw it to your friend, he catches it, and then just keeps the ball. Boring game, right? To have a game, you have to keep throwing the ball between you. Same with connection and conversation with your wife.
#3 Listen. Without taking stuff personally. Listen to the whole episode (approx. 4 minutes) to get the rest of the tips (or watch the video version here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYzlAjRjIsQ)
And if you want to make her REALLY happy, take a small initiative that pertains directly to your relationship (per #1: Engage in the relationship).
Invite her to join you for our upcoming 90-minute mini-workshop, How To Stay In Love. It’s super easy, you do it from your couch or kitchen table. Takes the same time as a standard movie, so you still have your whole weekend.
Some of what you will learn and experience:
- Deep connection with your partner
- Insight into what has you feel love, loving, loved
- Ideas for how to recreate that in-love feeling
- A powerful process for finding love in anger
- Concrete practices for how to stay in love