Ep 79: Is He The One? Is She The One?
Is he the one? Is she the one?
When you’re a single person, that’s a really big, important question. As it turns out, sometimes it’s too big.
I still remember from all my single years how much that question was on my mind, even haunted me.
The search to find “The One” is exhilarating and full of so much hope. But sometimes, like for me, the “quest” also caused a good deal of anxiety and when I went dating, I did that thing so many singles have tried on dates: Meeting someone and instantly passing judgment as the whether the person in front of me was “The One” or not (they never were).
I kinda wish someone had shown me this podcast back then. In this episode, we’ll offer you important tips for what to pay attention to in order to answer that question, Is he/she the one?
The first thing to do to make your own journey more enjoyable is to make it ok that the “big question” just sits there, unanswered, for a while.
No one can put a timeline on finding the love of your love, and if you add a deadline of your own, you’re likely to also add a bunch of stress and pressure. So see if you can relax into the uncertainty. Tell yourself it might take a while, and that’s ok, because you’re going to have a good time as you go.
For Sonika & I, it took over two years before we could answer the question, before we knew for sure we wanted to commit and be together. We couldn’t have done it any faster, and during that process, we paid attention to all the factors we’re sharing with you below.
Second and equally important, throw out the whole notion of “The One”. We know that might sound like odd and contrary advice, but think about it. The idea that among 8 billion people there is one and only one person for you is just not very likely.
Instead of looking for “The One”, look for someone who’s a great fit for you, someone you can make a wonderful relationship with. Thinking there is only one just puts more pressure on yourself to find a needle in a global haystack.
Some of what we recommend you pay attention to (listen to the episode for full details):
- Attraction and chemistry
- Are you attracted to them emotionally?
- Do you feel intellectually stimulated?
- Trust. Do you feel you can trust this person?
- Personal growth. Is this someone who is committed to growing?
- Do you feel free to express yourself?
- Can you handle and resolve conflicts?
- How about their quirks and issues.
- What are their other relationships like?
- Do you feel safe? Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel trusting? Do you have that sense of being “home”?
- Notice if you frequently have the sense that something is not “quite right”?
- Practice telling the truth
Use all your dating experiences as an opportunity to practice being in relationship, practice showing up as the best version of yourself, as the kind of person you would like to one day find!