LoveWorks Podcast

Ep 42: Being Late

“You’re always late!” … How often does being late show up as a source of irritation, frustration, or even major breakdowns in your relationship?

Maybe your partner is the one who’s late, maybe it’s you, or maybe it’s your kids or your friends. Either way, someone gets irritated, and someone gets defensive, and arguments ensue.

Being late is among the very top complaints we hear from all the couples and singles we talk to. Often, we have two people with completely opposing positions on the matter of timelines and punctuality. To one person, it’s clearcut: If you say you’re doing something at a certain time, you do it at that time or earlier, or you’re late, and being late is disrespectful. But to the other person, it’s simply not an important matter, and why are we even making such a big deal out of nothing.

As you’re about to hear, there are lot of perspectives around this recurring issue. If you’re someone with strong opinions or values around this subject, you might even get triggered listening because this reminds you of how your partner never keeps his or her agreements. Make sure to listen to the entire episode, and towards the end of the episode we’ll talk about broken agreements and how to clean them up.

In addition, I’ll offer practical tips for what you can do about this.

Some of the perspective and tips addressed in the podcast … (as per usual, listen to the podcast for the full content):

Agreements. What does being late even mean? And what actually constitutes an agreement?

Culture, context, and personality and how they influence your relationship to timeliness.

Domain-specificity. Is being on time always important to you, or does it depend on the occasion?

Make-ups and meaning. When someone is late, what do you make up about it, and about them? What do you think it means? What you answer to this question, will impact what you do next.

Values and preferences. What do you value around time? What’s your preference, and why?

Rules around time. What are your made-up rules? Typically, the stuff you put the word “should” in front of. Such as, “people should be on time”

Broken agreements. What are the impacts of broken agreements, and how do you clean it up?

Requests. How to ask for you what you want around timeliness.

As always, you can reach out to us for coaching or support about your relationships. Email us at [email protected] or call us at 530-878-3893.